Soft Thoughts: Election Day

Reflecting on a year ago and how I feel today.

I woke up this morning with this sinking feeling in my stomach.

Not because I am worried about the election results today, I have 1,000,000% hope and belief that Zohran Mamdani will win tonight.

It was something else.

It took a second for my mind to properly wake up and register the feelings (I also needed to take my morning pee, so I thought that might be a factor too).

As I opened my phone, this photo came up in my memories…

… and I remembered.

Ah, yes, I was here last year, but in significantly different circumstances.

As that one book says, “the body keeps score”, and oh boy does it.

That day last year was filled with so many emotions and fear that it almost felt like it didn’t happen. That felt like a whole lifetime ago, and I guess a year really is a long time, but I feel like a completely different person. My understanding of losing and rebuilding has completely changed who I am as a person. Seeing who I am now compared to who I was then really shows that.

I feel empowered.

Very emotional too.

There was so much weight on that election, and now, seeing how horrible everything has become since, it’s hard not to have this sinking dread whenever waiting for results like these.

I don’t feel ready to fully engage with that night, even though it’s been a year; it feels too fresh to approach it with a clear mind. But I am writing this as a reminder to myself and to all of you not to lose hope. We fail, we pick ourselves back up, and we keep trying. No matter how many times we get kicked down. The downsides of not trying are too significant. As people in this world, we have to keep trying for those who can’t.

Being a small part of this campaign with Zohran alongside Chi Ossé has healed so much of the despair that came after the loss and filled me with hope again. Filled me with the understanding that the fight never ends, even if the one you are in has.

Last night, I attended an orientation to become a volunteer with City Harvest. This New York-based food rescue organization helps supply food pantries and other charitable groups with fresh food and ingredients. This was something I had wanted to do for a while, but I always had some excuse to put it off. I was really impacted by the cutting of SNAP benefits to take the leap and actually follow through. It was something so simple and easy. Something that so many of us talk about wanting to do, but never actually do.

If we spent even a sliver of the time we spend on our phones actually going out and doing something positively impactful instead of just reposting it, so much more would get done.

In short, thank you for being here, thank you for voting (I hope you all did), and start a habit of doing small things to make a positive impact. This is how we will rebuild and feel like a community again.

Xx Ella